by Gratitude Girl, Vanessa Lowry
Sometimes you don’t realize something is gone until it returns. I’m grateful that I’m regaining my “muchness.”
I saw the movie Alice in Wonderland recently and Johnny Depp’s character, The Mad Hatter, says to Alice, “You used to be much more… ‘muchier.’ You’ve lost your muchness.”
I think we are born with a great deal of muchness, but it gets conditioned out of us. Then we only think we are something (or nothing) in comparison with someone else. Never really owning how “much” we offer by standing in our own light and letting our gifts shine.
I realize that as I compare myself to others, my muchness is impacted. I started thinking of all the beliefs I’ve had of being “too much.” When I was in junior high, my guidance counselor, Mrs. York, (who I liked and respected) told me I was “too sensitive.” Then my ex-husband echoed that many times during our 10-year marriage.
In high school, I was “too smart” to be attractive to the boys. (Or I thought that anyway.) I’ve spent years frustrated that I was “too picky”, “too independent”, “too nice.” (And “too nice” circles back to bite me, especially when it means I’m taking care of someone else’s needs before my own and getting exhausted and resentful in the process.)
The other side of the equation is “not enoughness.” Things like, “not talented enough,” “not skinny enough,” “not bold enough,” “not persuasive enough.” Is it any wonder that the edges of my muchness got worn down?
I’ve started noticing how often I compare myself to others… making myself feel better or worse because of the comparison. Now, as the comparison leaps into my mind, I remind myself that I am enough. Not too little and not too much. Just the right amount of Vanessa… the perfect amount really since I’m the only me there is.
Alice had a drink to make her smaller and a cake to make her taller, but it wasn’t until she embraced her “muchness” that she was able to slay the Jabberwocky.
So, I’m comparing less and appreciating more. I’m noticing the simple things about my life that are working right now and letting my emotional guidance system pull me toward what I want to increase. I’m laughing at myself and with others. I’m spending time in nature as often as I can. I’m finding ways to work with friends as we all enjoy the process of increasing our abundance of money and connection. I’m talking to myself like I talk to others, with kindness and understanding. And, my muchness is growing.
Now there are more and more times in the day when I adopt Alice’s line after she battles the Jabberwocky. “How’s THIS for muchness!”